Working life

This gonna be a long post, till you could drool yourself to sleep.

After few months I did not write anything on this page, I came back to read that few post I have left lingering in here. The feeling I had when I looked back at my past. A reminder of what had happened before, the person I am before I became better me. SO many things happened that I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I had let it out in here. Worth the time spend writing the posts.

                               -Me, involved in an accident and the injury I sustained. Lucky me.

I had started my working life, which is awesome! I like it much better than my Uni life. I'm financially independent. I will never again, feel the pain of hunger, worrying how my life gonna be next month.

Only one person had I shared with my enthusiasm for working life. I remembered 2 years back, how he and his another friend mention that in working life, we gonna be tie down by work, by many other commitment. We came from different background, interpreting the word ‘independent’ differently. The things he had to worry in his Uni life were his grade; his social life and his friend while me, of course, still worrying about my grade, then my money and my social life. When we add in money to the issue, things get worsened. People said, money can’t buy happiness, but when you don’t have money to buy food, you don’t have the energy to be happy.  

I had to stay while my friend went out with friends. It needs money to go out, enjoy the world. Even a simple lunch requires money. Rm10 back then, means a lot for me. There are other things which I cannot enjoy, but when I’m counting my blessing, my Uni life was much better than my brother’s. He had no older sibling which will chip in money when he needed it. He had to support his younger sibling right after he starts his working life.

I had the opportunity to meet that friend of mine again. Had the opportunity to tell him “See, I told you working life is much better! I really enjoy it.” He brushes it off with laughter. What a funny man.

Yes, commitment came when I start earning money. I had to share the salary with parents, brother, the bank for my car loan and my landlord. Such a big thing to carry it around. Sometimes, it makes me breathless; sometimes make me feel proud of myself. I had achieved something. I am somebody. J

Started working in Obstetric and gynecological department. Such a cultural shock to me. Trying to blend in with the flow; being swept away by work burden. The constant need to be alert and competent. Such a tiring posting. However, manage to pull myself together and survive the waves. I’m awesome! Haha…  

Then, moves to medical posting, I started to be a lazy ass. Didn’t even touch any book. How did I survive that posting, is a mystery. The opportunity to be in specialized department, Nephro, Gastro and Cardio had opened my mind. Making me love medical some more. But, I don’t have much interest in dealing with adults much less treating them. Adult = stubborn!

 I had a crush, but being me, having low self esteem as usual, shy off and didn’t approach him. He deserve better anyway.

Then I entered a much easy posting, Surgical. It teaches me the art of being lazy :P Seriously, this posting is so easy and relaxes. But I like it as much as medical as superior put faith in us. Letting us do procedures and had confident in us. It is not easy to shoulder the responsibility but the awesome feeling it brings when superior says ‘Thank you’… ahh… such a wonderful posting.

                                                                -an interesting case-

In this posting too, I meet an epic young man. I don’t know how this man can survive University life and medical posting. He is such a lazy, bad guy. Now I learned and advocate to others, that we must, and have to: “Be lazy to help lazy person” We can’t take others responsibility and receive the scolding of others.

Now, I’m in Paediatric posting. I love children, I’m happy when I’m with them. I wanted them to gets better.

Now, there is an intensive Pre-Master program being held soon which I can join for free. But I don’t have much faith in myself. Hmmm… need time to thing whether I really wanted to join it or not.

Lastly, being a 4^th poster, I had to work harder to motivate myself to study. My motivation is zero for the current moment. I’m scared.

Chill

I'm scared, 2nd of April, my big day. My final and hopefully, last exam in UPM.


I'm still playing while others already start studying. My will is not there, am I wish to fail that exam? Certainly NOT. I'm giving excuses. I know it, but I still do it. What's wrong with me! Why I couldn't get back my mood like in MAtriculation. I struggle really hard. I said to my self, just 1 year of struggle then i will spread my wings and fly. Why can't I do it now, for these 2 months. Only 2 months then I will off to JB where I will start working and help my mom. Aren't that enough as a reason for me to start putting effort in my goal?


hmmm...

Internet had waste my precious time and if i did not act now, I will definitely fail.



Ching!!! Stand up and start fighting!

Wish me luck.

Itch

Everyone gets mosquitoes bite once in a while, so i presume you know what an itch is. Imagine having it for 10-20 minutes every day in your ear and nose, oh, one would have suicidal thought if one is weak mentally.

The itch come and goes without leaving a note on the time of its return. The anticipation is one thing, the sudden occurrence of it is another thing to deal with. Oh, and it's getting more frequent nowadays. I know it has to do with my nasal congestion and eczema, that's why i didn't seek treatment anymore as they will just give antihistamine and some soothing advice. Like what they did for the 1st, 2nd and 3rd visit. hmmm... I can do that my self, thanks for the helpful words, which unlikely to kill the itch i have.

It is tough to be someone with medical knowledge. You know the treatment of one disease and it's prognosis and you have the opportunity to consult specialist directly about it. Yet, you still have hope that may be, just may be, someone in the outpatient clinic can do wonders and hep you with the problem. hmm.. Too much false hope eh :P

Anyway, I'm trying to clear as much mucus in my nose so it won't be stagnant in there and cause more problem than it suppose to. Well, i will have to tolerate the itch as it is unlikely to disappear even with treatment. Oh, don't advise me on the complementary treatment. Lifestyle changes won't happen in me as who would want to cut out prawn, coffee, spicy food and chocolate from their diet?? I'm a Malaysian and tell me, which dishes has zero spices?!

Recently, I got to know one of my friend is having this, worse than me, which may affect her marriage life. So, I'm counting my blessing and hopefully, God will pity us and reduce our suffering.

Warm

Middle of the night, it's usual time where I tends to recall my childhood memories and become homesick. One of the reason why I don't like being up at night without anything to do.

I remembered, the feeling of being taken cared of by both parents at the same time. That day, i fall sick. Both of them watched me till i fall asleep. I still can retrieve the feeling and the awkwardness of being stared at and trying very hard to pretend sleeping. Hahaa... A moment that I'll treasure.

So many things happened that i remembered. The bad things leave better footprint and I'm trying hard to recall back the good things so I will have a happier childhood memories. Sorry, I'm being emo. hmm... Actually, my life is better than my step-siblings' life. My parents are together, my father come back 2-3days almost every months. Before I know what is 1st and 2nd wife, what's the meaning of step sibling and the psychosocial impact of it, I sometimes complained about my life. Such an ungrateful child eh. :P

I like reading self improvement book to improve my EQ. Those book help me so much. I'm glad i join Red Crescent Society, interaction and activities held greatly influence myself in a positive way. Most of all, thanks to my mom's care and love, she taught me the most. eh, these sound like a speech in prize giving ceremony kan. haha..

Er.. this entry a bit here and there. Not really reflecting the title. Anyway, life is short, i should treasure my family and will try and try to be a better person. Till next time, I'll talk more on my step-family life. :) I love them as much I love my own family.

  

Me on 2nd right

Friends?

How can a person be so mean on others?

There is one person in my class, she is irritating, drama queen and I personally don't like her. But that doesn't mean i can bully her. Almost all girls in my class, hates her, talk at her back and front, tease her boyfriend about having such girlfriend and make fun of the things she written in her blog. If you doesn't like somebody, why can't you just ignore him/her? Why there is the need of making their life miserable? I really don't know why people can't just take care their own stuff. It's not like they themselves are perfect, in fact, they are the same. Mean, unkind soul. God is watching.

Among the girls, one of them used to be the girl's best friend. Now, she still socialize with her i think, as i still see their picture together. But, she is a girl without root. Easily shifted to places as the environment change. She join the mocking and teasing, but still act good when there is no one is seeing. Friend aren't suppose to be like that. Pity the girl, being bullied by others and her own ex?-best friend.


And I, doesn't know how to act to stop all these. All I know is I don't have a right to be mean to others, and if i doesn't like someone, will just ignore her and minimize the time spend with her. Why do i need to grow hates and be mean to others??

Sad day

Today, again the sadness almost eat up me and left nothing for myself. Morning started as usual and then, one phone call change it totally. She called me again, with the same crying mode, saying she is blind and sad. She has psychosis you know, but not treated for so long. Until now, i think it's under-treated. Not that we don't want to send her to hospital, but, there is one thing preventing us. I still couldn't bring myself to talk much about it. No one know this thing, only one person, Miss H knows this.

 

1st

First post is always the hardest. But the need to expressed myself is greater than the shyness, laziness and all those negative thoughts that had been preventing me from creating a blog.

I feel alone, with friends besides me, but still, I'm alone. Fighting battles over battles, thinking of a new solution, but still, is not able to implement it and see it done. I'm sad and the thought of giving up is there. I'm trying to stay strong, for my dreams, family and most importantly, my values in me don't wanna give up. But I'm tired...