After few months I did not write anything on this page, I came back to read that few post I have left lingering in here. The feeling I had when I looked back at my past. A reminder of what had happened before, the person I am before I became better me. SO many things happened that I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I had let it out in here. Worth the time spend writing the posts.
I had started my working life, which is awesome! I like it much better than my Uni life. I'm financially independent. I will never again, feel the pain of hunger, worrying how my life gonna be next month.
Only one person had I shared with my enthusiasm for working life. I remembered 2 years back, how he and his another friend mention that in working life, we gonna be tie down by work, by many other commitment. We came from different background, interpreting the word ‘independent’ differently. The things he had to worry in his Uni life were his grade; his social life and his friend while me, of course, still worrying about my grade, then my money and my social life. When we add in money to the issue, things get worsened. People said, money can’t buy happiness, but when you don’t have money to buy food, you don’t have the energy to be happy.
I had to stay while my friend went out with friends. It needs money to go out, enjoy the world. Even a simple lunch requires money. Rm10 back then, means a lot for me. There are other things which I cannot enjoy, but when I’m counting my blessing, my Uni life was much better than my brother’s. He had no older sibling which will chip in money when he needed it. He had to support his younger sibling right after he starts his working life.
I had the opportunity to meet that friend of mine again. Had the opportunity to tell him “See, I told you working life is much better! I really enjoy it.” He brushes it off with laughter. What a funny man.
Yes, commitment came when I start earning money. I had to share the salary with parents, brother, the bank for my car loan and my landlord. Such a big thing to carry it around. Sometimes, it makes me breathless; sometimes make me feel proud of myself. I had achieved something. I am somebody. J
Started working in Obstetric and gynecological department. Such a cultural shock to me. Trying to blend in with the flow; being swept away by work burden. The constant need to be alert and competent. Such a tiring posting. However, manage to pull myself together and survive the waves. I’m awesome! Haha…
Then, moves to medical posting, I started to be a lazy ass. Didn’t even touch any book. How did I survive that posting, is a mystery. The opportunity to be in specialized department, Nephro, Gastro and Cardio had opened my mind. Making me love medical some more. But, I don’t have much interest in dealing with adults much less treating them. Adult = stubborn!
I had a crush, but being me, having low self esteem as usual, shy off and didn’t approach him. He deserve better anyway.
Then I entered a much easy posting, Surgical. It teaches me the art of being lazy :P Seriously, this posting is so easy and relaxes. But I like it as much as medical as superior put faith in us. Letting us do procedures and had confident in us. It is not easy to shoulder the responsibility but the awesome feeling it brings when superior says ‘Thank you’… ahh… such a wonderful posting.
In this posting too, I meet an epic young man. I don’t know how this man can survive University life and medical posting. He is such a lazy, bad guy. Now I learned and advocate to others, that we must, and have to: “Be lazy to help lazy person” We can’t take others responsibility and receive the scolding of others.
Now, I’m in Paediatric posting. I love children, I’m happy when I’m with them. I wanted them to gets better.
Now, there is an intensive Pre-Master program being held soon which I can join for free. But I don’t have much faith in myself. Hmmm… need time to thing whether I really wanted to join it or not.
Lastly, being a 4th poster, I had to work harder to motivate myself to study. My motivation is zero for the current moment. I’m scared.
